what we will become

you know, i don't post here very much. mostly because i'm afraid it's just a masturbatory exercise. i try to write about interesting things, things that strike me, that are things i'd like to share. i mean, i think of a million boring or intimate things every minute, so i try not to record thsoe anywhere public. but sometimes something occurs to me that i want to bring to a community, offer, and partake in discussion of. but usually i feel like i'm just writing these blogs out into oblivion, written to gradually decay, like some radioactive element. what is my halflife?

then, everyonceinawhile, someone mentions something from my blog, and i'm surprised to learn that someone out in the world actually read it. it makes me feel connected again, reminds me of the silent support structure that exists in my life. so, to anyone who actually has returned to this blog after the long silence: thanks for being someone in my existence. thanks for reinforcing the truth that -- even when i'm by myself, i'm never, ever going it alone.

this is something i've been thinking about lately... the profound bond we all share that is based on the mere fact of existence. how we are all creating our own myths, facing our own seemingly insurmountable odds, making brief connections, seeing flashes of meaning, and otherwise muddling along confused and uncertain and trying. this summer has been a summer of fairly deep considerations for many people in my life: so many friends and family members and acquaintences seem to be facing significant decisions, meaningful to our lives and our identities. this summer has seemed a crucible for our collective change... into what? there seems to be something in the air -- some catalyst, some scent -- that sinks into our bones and waits there. something like the caterpillars' innate wings, hidden deep in his skin, latent flight. this is the summer of our cocooning.