divination skills needed
divinators, line up.
whew. never have i felt so in need of guidance from the universe. and that's saying a lot. my new job as a reporter is going well. busy, busy. writing everyday, which is good for me. good practice, good exercise.
fast-paced workplace, where i don't feel like i'm just killing time, waiting for the clock. that's good.
and now we have new landlords. the people who have been our neighbors and rent-receivers for the last two years just sold their house, which means they sold our house, too, and the land our gardens are built on, and everything. the new people are bumping up rent.
we said, hey, we can't afford that. we may have to move. or get a roommate.
we're kinda sorta looking for a place now, though thinking we won't move until october. this home has been such a gift to us, such a beautiful place where so much change and wonder and experience has taken place. we're so close to nature, the creek and the ponderosas. we can hear it at night, instead of traffic. we can hear the birds and the wind and the crickets. fawns and bears and turkeys wander through the yard.
what will come next? how will it compare? i am anxious; i don't want to leave here and never again love another home as much. i'm not trying to be melodramatic or pessimistic, but it is a possiblity. this place is incredibly special. or was. now i don't know what it is.
or what to look for. or where. should we move down towards my new job, which is a 50-mile commute one-way? and leave missoula, a community to which we feel, in some ways, like we belong? in exchange for a smaller montana town, with a lot of character but an overwhelming (unbearable?) devotion to conservative values, where an overheard conversation can make you feel sad and sick and homesick and hopeless about the direction of this country and the human race.
okay, maybe that seems melodramatic. but it's true! i heard some people in the street talking about how democrats criticizing bush should be arrested for treason! they said "at least bush makes a decision and goes with it, right or not!"
WHAT?!?! this is an admirable quality?!?
then they pulled out the old standby: these (critical-of-gov't) kinds of ideas during wartime are so destructive that had we employed them during WWII (i shit you not), "we would all be speaking german."
they all nodded. they actually believe this bullshit! i felt heartbroken.
not that all montanans outside of missoula share these opinions, but...
do i want to live in a place where i'm a often-alone voice? a place that reminds me of my hometown?
if not, do i want to live in missoula and commute 100 miles a day? and if so, where do i want to live? what can we afford? what should we prioritize (a garden? low rent? cool landlords (haha)? southside (nearer to my highway)? livability? neighborhood?)
so, if any of you have some way of tapping into the universal flow, getting a sense of the direction of the wind, please let me know. i am deeply sad about leaving this house, and desire a sense of purpose, or direction, or guidance. a sense that moving away from this place is also a moving towards...
something...
whew. never have i felt so in need of guidance from the universe. and that's saying a lot. my new job as a reporter is going well. busy, busy. writing everyday, which is good for me. good practice, good exercise.
fast-paced workplace, where i don't feel like i'm just killing time, waiting for the clock. that's good.
and now we have new landlords. the people who have been our neighbors and rent-receivers for the last two years just sold their house, which means they sold our house, too, and the land our gardens are built on, and everything. the new people are bumping up rent.
we said, hey, we can't afford that. we may have to move. or get a roommate.
we're kinda sorta looking for a place now, though thinking we won't move until october. this home has been such a gift to us, such a beautiful place where so much change and wonder and experience has taken place. we're so close to nature, the creek and the ponderosas. we can hear it at night, instead of traffic. we can hear the birds and the wind and the crickets. fawns and bears and turkeys wander through the yard.
what will come next? how will it compare? i am anxious; i don't want to leave here and never again love another home as much. i'm not trying to be melodramatic or pessimistic, but it is a possiblity. this place is incredibly special. or was. now i don't know what it is.
or what to look for. or where. should we move down towards my new job, which is a 50-mile commute one-way? and leave missoula, a community to which we feel, in some ways, like we belong? in exchange for a smaller montana town, with a lot of character but an overwhelming (unbearable?) devotion to conservative values, where an overheard conversation can make you feel sad and sick and homesick and hopeless about the direction of this country and the human race.
okay, maybe that seems melodramatic. but it's true! i heard some people in the street talking about how democrats criticizing bush should be arrested for treason! they said "at least bush makes a decision and goes with it, right or not!"
WHAT?!?! this is an admirable quality?!?
then they pulled out the old standby: these (critical-of-gov't) kinds of ideas during wartime are so destructive that had we employed them during WWII (i shit you not), "we would all be speaking german."
they all nodded. they actually believe this bullshit! i felt heartbroken.
not that all montanans outside of missoula share these opinions, but...
do i want to live in a place where i'm a often-alone voice? a place that reminds me of my hometown?
if not, do i want to live in missoula and commute 100 miles a day? and if so, where do i want to live? what can we afford? what should we prioritize (a garden? low rent? cool landlords (haha)? southside (nearer to my highway)? livability? neighborhood?)
so, if any of you have some way of tapping into the universal flow, getting a sense of the direction of the wind, please let me know. i am deeply sad about leaving this house, and desire a sense of purpose, or direction, or guidance. a sense that moving away from this place is also a moving towards...
something...
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