up early...
life is changing rapidly. a new job, undertaken this week, sudden has me up at dawn everyday, and busy until evening, like most people.
i don't know how i feel about that.
i like the work. writing, everyday. working with words. but i'm learning to negotiate the expectations and obligations and my own sense of personal autonomy. of doing what i want to do when i want to do it.
the cool part is, so far, i like doing my job. i don't feel like there's something i'd rather be doing; i don't clock-watch. it's helpful that when my work is done, my day is over. i dont' have to find busywork. writing, though, certainly fills a full time day. and i agonize over the reception of my little creations. did i remember to include so-and-so's title? is the story clear? will people call me to tell me how terrible the story is?
the blinking light on my phone on my desk is intimidating. i'm never quite sure if i want to check my messages.
yesterday i took two plants to work. my office is actually pretty cool. it's in a very old building -- over a hundred years old! it looks like one of the old storefronts in story city, iowa (where i went to high school). quaint, hometowny. the second story is where our cubicles are. six of them. and, even though i'm the new hire, i love my desk location -- right under the skylight. no one else wants it: the sun falls directly on the computer screen, making it partially illegible. i squint, i shade, but i'm so very glad. three hanging plants dangle beneath the skylight. i brought a potted plant to put on my filing cabinet and a viney plant that's growing hydroponically out of a rattlesnake creek wine bottle (organic pinot noir -- my favorite wine on the planet). i brought a picture, too, unframed. todd and i at a phish show. alpine valley. it had recently rained and dark clouds are piled up behind us and we look so very happy. it seems like a good reminder as i attempt this integration into the institutions of our society. ongoing examination: how to participate, how to integrate, how to contribute and how to learn while maintaining selfhood, integrity, independence. meaningfulness.
the long commute (two hours a day) affords me time for reflection. so far, it isn't too painful. though i wish it could be done on a bike or on my feet. meditative driving seems like an oxymoron. gassing up will become more painful. the highway is a busy and dangerous one. i get to spend less time with my little family and in my Home.
learning, learning....
i don't know how i feel about that.
i like the work. writing, everyday. working with words. but i'm learning to negotiate the expectations and obligations and my own sense of personal autonomy. of doing what i want to do when i want to do it.
the cool part is, so far, i like doing my job. i don't feel like there's something i'd rather be doing; i don't clock-watch. it's helpful that when my work is done, my day is over. i dont' have to find busywork. writing, though, certainly fills a full time day. and i agonize over the reception of my little creations. did i remember to include so-and-so's title? is the story clear? will people call me to tell me how terrible the story is?
the blinking light on my phone on my desk is intimidating. i'm never quite sure if i want to check my messages.
yesterday i took two plants to work. my office is actually pretty cool. it's in a very old building -- over a hundred years old! it looks like one of the old storefronts in story city, iowa (where i went to high school). quaint, hometowny. the second story is where our cubicles are. six of them. and, even though i'm the new hire, i love my desk location -- right under the skylight. no one else wants it: the sun falls directly on the computer screen, making it partially illegible. i squint, i shade, but i'm so very glad. three hanging plants dangle beneath the skylight. i brought a potted plant to put on my filing cabinet and a viney plant that's growing hydroponically out of a rattlesnake creek wine bottle (organic pinot noir -- my favorite wine on the planet). i brought a picture, too, unframed. todd and i at a phish show. alpine valley. it had recently rained and dark clouds are piled up behind us and we look so very happy. it seems like a good reminder as i attempt this integration into the institutions of our society. ongoing examination: how to participate, how to integrate, how to contribute and how to learn while maintaining selfhood, integrity, independence. meaningfulness.
the long commute (two hours a day) affords me time for reflection. so far, it isn't too painful. though i wish it could be done on a bike or on my feet. meditative driving seems like an oxymoron. gassing up will become more painful. the highway is a busy and dangerous one. i get to spend less time with my little family and in my Home.
learning, learning....
Comments
Send that headline to me at my montana address!
ab