loneliness

carol picks up the phone. thinks: lisa? tim?

puts the phone back down. there is no one to call.

there is nothing to say anyway. she cannot remember why she wanted to call someone. today is the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the last time she talked to either of them.

she hopes the phone rings, instead. she looks at it and wishes it to ring. sometimes when she does this it does ring, but mostly its a telemarketer which just makes it even worse. today the phone doesn't ring, even though she walks away from it very slowly.

she tries to figure out why she wants a phone call. maybe so someone will know about her day. earlier when she had thought the robin outside was talking back and forth with her, she had wanted someone to see that. she had wanted someone to share that with. but that's not something you call someone about.

her dinner is good but it doesn't matter. the dinner will be forgotten, by her, and never known by anyone else anyway. though it is early evening, the sun still out, she can't think of any reason to stay awake. she disintegrates into bed.