it's been a few days...

cuz i'm feeling uninspired. that's not to say my mind isn't racing, but there's nothing cohering into recognizable thoughts now. i've been recovering all week from a dream i had monday. a myth. i was a disembodied spirit, dropped into a woman's body wearing a white wedding dress. this body was in the forest, standing next to a wolf, who was curled up against the mountain, asleep. when he awoke, i was to seduce him in order to survive. for the duration of the dream, i watched the wolf sleep, and i waited.

last night i got a call from one of my dearest friends in the universes. someone i haven't spoken to for over a year. i miss her so much! there aren't many people in the world we get to ever be that close to, and when one of them seems to disappear from your life, you mourn. her reappearance has been timely, since i feel more than ever that i'm beginning a fall down a rabbit hole, and she has foten been a rabbit, a guiding spirit for me, in case i can't find footholds to climb myself back out. i hope, when these things happen, that they mean something. i hope that her unexpected phone call happened for a reason, to advance the project of our lives. it's good that i hope this. because when i'm freefalling down that hole, hope and faith are not things that i carry. instead my pockets are generally weighted down with cynicism and meaninglessness, so that when i hit the bottom they'll make this giant metallic crashing sound, like a drawer of forks dropped on linoleum.