cleansing

immersed in a shallow lake i can look up through the glassy ceiling of water into the undulating sky and softly folding mountaintops. sinking into the muddy bottom i feel tree trunks buried beneath years' accumulation of sediment and ash. the wood is soft and firm, fleshlike against my limbs. the lakebottom is gritty and yielding.

my eyes are pierced, like the surface of the lake, by midday sunlight. despite its ubiquitousness, the light does not obscure the blueness of the sky, the billowy grace of the clouds. i am struggling and squirming. i am filled with terror. i am so afraid i must let go. i cannot continue to struggle. i am exhausted.

i inhale.

i feel my body wriggling. i feel other small, silken bodies next to mine. i am a fish. we are fish. we are swimming away.