topaz and me

it hasn't snowed here for days but the ground is still laden with a foot of it -- mostly still white and untouched, because the temperatures have been so. damn. cold. record lows wednesday night. because of the rising cost of heating, we've worn layers and boiled water to increase humidity and heat efficiency, but of course, the house is always relatively cozy. i say 'relatively' with reference to the animals who live out in this weather, protected by fallen trees or hidden away in garages. my cats and dog have been especially cuddly, a constant reminder or their feral peers around missoula who no doubt shiver through the night.

at my house there's a big ol' tom, about 13 or 14 years old, who lives outside and comes to the porch only to be fed by the landlords or to get out of the rain or snow. his name is topaz, and he's a wiley one, a 'good old mouser,' rita, my landlord, calls him. he comes onto the porch, which is shelter from wind but can't be more than five degrees warmer than it is outside -- and when it's -16 outside, that's small comfort. there's a bench out there that rita put an old coat under for him to sleep on. we put a huge down coat out there before the really cold, and we hung a blanket over the bench to keep the little warmth he could generate in. bringing him into my house would be a nightmare -- the cats hiss at him, he hisses back, runs away. despite everyone's antisocial behavior, i desperately wanted to protect him from the crazy cold. around 4 o'clock thursday morning i awoke, thinking, now is the coldest time of the night. i couldn't get back to sleep, worried about topaz.

i got up, went upstairs, made some tea and put water on to boil. i'd closed the bedroom door, shutting our pets in with todd. i turned up the heat a little -- from 62 to 65 -- and cracked the front door. there's little insulation on the porch, but no matter, i'm sure it brought the temp out there up significantly. after i let topaz adjust to the swirling sounds from the house -- news radio, tea pots, domestic noises -- i went out and fed him and gave him unfrozen water. a few hours later, after the sun had risen, i went back out. dressed in my pajamas. i'd brought out a heating pad (my last line of defense against cramps) and i plugged it into the porch outlet, covered it with a towl, and put it back into his little cave. i sat down to pet him and, hesitatingly, he crawled onto my lap to soak up some body warmth. he purred and purred and buried himself in my lap. i rubbed his tattered ears. i folded my body over him, this cat usually so skittish he ran away when we opened our front door. i wrapped my arms around him and we sat in a ball on the porch floor. the air was cutting.

after about twenty minutes, i gently tried to move him from my lap. he gripped me with his claws. finally, he let go, went to his food bowl, ate and drank, and then returned to my lap. i was pointing at his cave, trying to suggest that he move in there, check out the new heating situation. he didn't understand, didn't trust me, but he still was willing to risk climbing into my lap. i tried to defelct him, since i was now shaking from the cold, but when i moved him away from my body he hissed at me. i scratched his back again and let him return to my lap, although i myself was providing considerably less heat than i had been just before. again i enclosed him in my arms, and i breathed warm air onto his back and his head. he purred and purred, hating me if i gestured to let him go. after another ten minutes, though, i decided to try again. my toes and hands were numb, even though topaz and i had created a tiny warm womb in my middle. he growled and meowed menacingly, but didn't hurt me as i moved him from my lap. he retreated into his den.

since then, i've been monitoring the heating pad obsessively, turning it up periodicially, then back down to the lowest setting for longer periods, and off for short periods because i'm terrified of starting a fire, of electrocuting him. warnings on those things always say don't do this or that or anything like what i'm trying to do with topaz, but it's the best solution i have. now when i go out, he gets out, streatches luxuriously, climbs into my lap already purrring and lets me cuddle him for a few minutes before going to his food and water, and then heading past me, letting me trail my hand along his back, into his tiny cave.